That's the Foo Fighters with Resolve.
This is, er, Adam and Joe.
Happy New Year.
Hey, thanks.
Yeah, Happy New Year, listeners.
Thanks for listening.
We're with you for the next two hours here on, er, er, what's it called, XFM?
It's called XFM, Joe, yeah.
London's one of 4.9.
Now on in Scotland.
Are we on in Scotland now?
Well, Xanthi's not quite sure.
We think we're on in Scotland as well.
Do a- do a Scottish voice.
That's not a good idea.
I was hoping it would.
That'll alienate the whole of Scotland.
There you go!
Oi, wee big man!
That's not good.
Now no longer listen to in Scotland.
No.
Switched off.
Every Scottish person has switched off.
Switched off in Scotland.
In synchronicity.
Ooh.
What?
I was just thinking of the police.
Yeah.
So go on then.
Well, I was gonna be- I was gonna pretend to be Michael Barrymore for a little bit, but I thought better of it.
Cos I've got a cold so it might just be a bit revolting.
A bit weird.
Listen, just to motivate people to listen, we've got, uh, great DVDs to give away in the show.
We're gonna have a crap commentary corner.
Uh, I wanna play some Cliff Richard.
Why?
Er, you'll realise when I play it.
OK.
But, er, am I allowed to play Cliff Richard on XFM?
Well, as long as there's some kind of hilarious, ironic reason for it.
There kind of is, but not what you'd expect.
Is it New Cliff or Old Cliff?
It's Old Cliff.
Classic Cliff?
It's Classic Cliff, yeah.
But it's actually taken off one of the funniest things I saw on telly over Christmas.
OK.
Is there some Cliff Richard coming up?
Is it Wired for Sound?
No.
I like small speakers, I like tall speakers.
Dig that music, they're wired for sound.
We should play that though.
That's a good one.
And then we've got Dizzies in the Dock coming up towards the end of the show, of course.
And it's got- what is it this week, Adam?
The theme.
Oh, well, it's kind of, um, instrumental movie themes, is that fair?
Is it?
Well- I'm gonna have to talk about this.
Well, you've got some kind of bluegrass action going on, but then you also put, you know, it could be- It was a choice, it was a choice.
It was a choice.
So I've gone for a sort of title theme from a movie.
OK, it's movie title themes.
Yeah, yeah.
Yeah.
On Dizzies in the Dock.
And you know, to be perfectly honest, prize-wise, it's pretty slim pickings here at XFM.
slim pickings in the new year nobody gives anything to promote right because there's nothing coming out in the shops at the new year so there's just no prizes promotion fatigue so we've got the best of ronnie barker he's obviously a genius but i still feel you know this feels a bit rubbish
So is it- is the best of- does the best of Ronnie Barker, um, contain stuff that he did with, uh, Ronnie Corbett as well, or is it just open all hours and stuff like that?
Uh, no, it's all- all sorts of different stuff.
Basically, I don't know.
And then, uh, Xanthi, who's producing today, has actually bought in her very own copy of Desperate Housewives.
It's still shrink-wrapped.
Wow.
But somebody gave her a box set of Desperate Housewives thinking that every woman likes this sort of rubbish.
Yeah.
And of course Xanthi's too clever.
She doesn't care about Desperate Housewives.
You're not really bigging up the prize now, Joe.
No, but someone will like it.
A woman with a sort of slightly thick woman friend can give it to the slightly thick woman friend.
Right.
Cos you have to be slightly thick to, like, desperate housewives, don't you?
Er, I'm not gonna go into that.
You can tell it's cold, incidentally, because, erm, you can no longer see Xanthi's low trousers.
Have you noticed that?
Yeah, Xanthi, our producer, wears low trousers.
Usually she's got such low trousers that you can sort of see everything.
Shall we have some more music?
Yeah.
Cos, you know, people who've just been listening to the X List might be getting music, er, you know, what do you call it, like MDT, music deprivation.
What does a T stand for?
Er... No, SAD is what I mean.
M-A-D.
See, what?
What's SAD when you don't have enough sunlight?
Seasonal adjusted depression.
Right, so music adjusted depression.
Yeah, yeah.
Mad.
Well, here's a shot of KT to fix you right up.
Hooray, that was, er, Who Was That?
K.T.
Tunstall with Suddenly I See, the third single to be taken from the Scottish singer-stroke songwriter's Mercury-nominated debut album, Eye to the Telescope.
Oh, well, er, er, I just think, er, the whole thing was, er, me just wanted to go and, er, half of it, er, half of it, just like I was saying, just, er, er, er, er, er, er, er, er, er, er, er, er, er, er, er, er, er, er, er, er, er, er, er, er, er, er, er, er, er, er, er, er, er, er, er, er, er, er, er, er, er, er, er, er, er, er, er, er, er, er, er, er, er, er, er, er, er, er, er, er, er, er, er
sort of thing, you know, sort of thing, you know, sort of thing.
movie.
Oh, I thought you meant me.
I was quite moved by him, but you can never tell whether you're being manipulated.
Do you think that Barrymore's exaggerating the pudding?
We'll never know.
We'll- you never know, do you?
When it's on telly, you never know what's real, what isn't.
Wow.
Barrymore, he could be acting.
He could just be a very, very good actor.
He's not, man.
You don't think so?
No, he's absolutely damaged goods, and he shouldn't be on that show.
What are you saying?
I'm saying it's a disgrace that he's on there.
If he wasn't on that show, nobody would be watching it.
Ricky and Steve laugh Ricky and Steve laugh
What's it called?
It wasn't called Fiddle Me Tinko.
What's it called?
I don't remember.
People Do The Most Hilarious Things.
No, Ronnie Corbett did it for a bit and then he did it.
People Are Lovely with the L-U-V- Shut Up Tiny, I think it was called.
Shut Up Tiny.
Shut Up Midget.
I don't know.
Yeah.
Well, are you talking about the thing where you used to go to shopping malls and make people perform?
No, that was called My Kind Of People.
There you go, yeah.
Yeah.
He did that and he did Strike It Lucky, but he also did the show when he made kids say funny things.
Shut Up Tiny.
Didn't he?
Shut Up Tiny, yeah.
you think he's going to actually have a proper mental breakdown?
Steve- Proper nervy B. Ricky- You reckon?
Steve- Yeah, he's a total mess.
I feel sorry for the guy.
I mean, he's a- he's a mess.
Ricky- What do you think, listeners?
Text 83XFM if you've got any opinions at any point.
Um, when we have competitions you can call 08712221049 just preparing you with- with the number and you can email us adamandjoe at xfm.co.uk at any point.
Steve- And there's pictures of Chantelle in the paper today, I see.
Ricky- Now which one's Chantelle?
Steve- Chantelle is the mole.
She's the fake one.
Ricky- Okay, the one who sings for Candy Box with a K.
Er, candy floss, yeah.
And their single is called Hilariously, Give It To Me Now or something.
Right, and what's the point of her?
She's supposed to, er, brilliantly, ironically expose the fact that some of the people in there you'll never have heard of.
Yeah.
Or that celebrity's so debased that anyone could be right.
Right, exactly.
And it's, erm, it's just another little game element to the whole thing, isn't it?
Yeah.
And if she- if she's not sussed out by tonight, then she gets to stay in the house, is that right?
I think she only had to convince everyone for a couple of days.
Pretty good.
And then she gets to stay in there.
But, um, she- she's already a bit worried that maybe Jodie Marsh has got her sussed.
Hey, I just taped this little bit of- of her babbling last night about it and I wanted to play it to you.
Here it is.
Chantelle has come to the dairy room to talk to Big Brother.
Hello, Chantelle.
How are you?
Yeah, I'm really good, thank you.
Really, really good, apart from one thing.
You know Jodie Marsh?
Well, I, you know, I've got no problem of, like, faking it.
You know, I think I'm doing a really good job, but Jodie Marsh, I, well, she's from Brentwood in Essex and I've been to, like, pubs and clubs and I've seen her out and I think she recognises me and I just wanted to let you know that, you know, I think
that I am, you know, I don't, well I'm just letting you know really, you know, that she's seen me, she knows, I'm sure she has, and I'm sure when she walked in the door and she looked at me, she knew, you know, like not who I am, but just that I, you know.
It's just tiring, isn't it?
Not actually in a girl band, but you know, I'm sure she has, but she don't know, but I'm just really coming in to let you know what I think I know, you know?
so what are you coming in to let me know that you know that she like well that she you know how many what that's got to be the highest words to actual meaning ratio ever in terms of how many words you use to get something across three would have done i think well no maybe 10 i suspect that jody marsh knows i'm not a real celebrity yeah that would have done the trick that's what she made us a lot longer
Oh, it's all pretty weird.
I think my theory is that Friday nights on Channel 4 is one big kind of social science experiment.
You know?
And the Friday night project, which is on afterwards, is just another instalment.
It's another little room in the big Channel 4 science lab, working on a slightly different but equally pointless experiment.
Anyway, we should talk about the Friday night project a bit later on.
Shall we have some more music?
Let's have some Lady Fl- no, some Go Team.
Some Go Team?
Yeah.
The song's called Lady Flash.
Lady Flash.
They're fantastic.
I love the Go Team.
It sounds like a group of mental patients left loose in a big kitchen.
Well, all fashionable music has to have a class of kindergarten kids in it these days.
Oh, yeah.
Just going insane.
That's a trend I could actually... Yeah, well, you've got it for real, haven't you, in your house?
That's true, yeah.
OK, let's play some adverts.
Excited about the adverts, Joe?
JOE LAUGHS Which adverts are we gonna have?
Oh, I hope we have that one about not doing drugs and that one, I don't know, oh, I hope we have an AOL one about how the Internet's evil and should be censored.
I hope we have some kind of slimming advert.
Fingers crossed!
That's how you know that the Christmas period has finally ended.
They should've- you know, I always feel as if they should have the coke trucks leaving town and going, "'Holidays are going, holidays are-'" Steve Laughs Yeah, it'd be a more depressing tune, though, wouldn't it?
Ricky Hums To himself Steve Hums To himself Steve Hums To himself Steve Hums To himself Steve Hums To himself Steve Hums To himself Steve Hums To himself Steve Hums To himself
Is that, you know, the coke trucks go and it's just loads of adverts for Weight Watchers.
Yeah.
And that's how you know all the- Well, let's see what it's gonna be.
The good times are over.
It's exciting, isn't it?
It's exciting, yeah.
OK?
Well, we- It's my favourite bit of this show, the commercials.
I agree with you.
Here they are.
what kind of year it's gonna be for the Chiefs, Joe.
2006, what's that got in store?
Who knows?
For the Kaiser's.
Who knows?
Who knows?
Who knows?
Yeah.
Interesting though, isn't it?
Yeah.
This is Adam and Joe on XFM and it's competition time.
Yeah, there we go, that was the jingle.
Better do a new... I didn't do... I didn't do that one.
Did you?
Yeah.
I wish I hadn't though.
I like that one, that's funky.
It's crap commentary corner time.
Listeners, this is a chance for you to win some frankly pretty paltry New Year's dregs.
Joe Cornish.
Am I insulting Xanthe's Desperate Housewives again?
Big up the Housewives.
Sorry.
Time for you to win America's hottest lady problems program, Desperate Housewives, episodes 1 to 23 in...
This is outrageous!
You would not believe the things those housewives, housewives, housewives.
Howlwives?
Those howlwives get up to, they're desperate.
They're outrageous!
They'll do anything.
They're sons on drugs.
Their neighbor's having an affair with the gardener.
Some of them are gay.
Oh no, anyway.
I saw them cry.
See, that's how you sell it.
And the best of Ronnie Barker, sell that.
There you go, well done.
The best of Ronnie Barker on DVD.
Oh, actually, we've got tickets as well to win.
Oh, this is taking a long time.
What?
No, four candles.
Is that your Ronnie Barker impression?
Yeah, I just thought of it.
Four candles?
He doesn't tour like this.
No, he does in that sketch.
I want four candles.
No, not four candles.
Four candles.
You can also win one pair of tickets to see Skin.
Can I talk, please?
Sorry.
Will you let me finish?
One pair of tickets to see Skin at the 100 Club this Tuesday the 10th of Jan.
Skin from Skunk and Nancy.
Yeah, that old band.
Skunk Nancy and Skin.
Or you can win one pair of tickets to see Stephen Fretwell at the Shepherd's Bush Empire.
Is he a poet?
I don't know, but he frets well.
So those are the prizes, you can have your pick.
And the competition... Jeepers.
The number to call is 0 8 7 1 2 2 1 0 4 9.
If you can tell what movie this clip of commentary is taken from.
So, OK, deep breath.
This is quite a moving one, a touching one, a sweet one.
It's from a classic, classic British film.
And that's all I'll tell you for the moment, but 08712221049.
It might take quite a good sort of film buff type to get this.
OK.
So listen closely.
Here's the first clip.
It is the favorite film of so many people, it really is.
You know, and I've actually been in a room when people have been talking about films and that, and they've said, well actually my favorite film is, you know, it's like, oh god, and then someone else goes, oh, you're not gonna believe this, but, you know, I get that a lot.
And again, it was just such a special, you know, magical film.
But, you know, I really have been living in fantasy ever since.
Is it Sex Lives of the Potato Men?
No.
Close, though.
I'm joking, it's not close.
So I'll give you a little clue.
It's a child style who's now grown up.
Ah.
And he's sounding a little bit nervous.
And he's been living in fantasy ever since.
As if maybe being in this film might have affected him.
Right.
0871221 049 if you know who it is.
Can you play Clip 2?
OK.
Here we go.
Yeah, well, I've been in therapy for years and years now.
You know, just trying to sort out the good and evil in my head and, like, you know...
And sometimes I just lose it.
And this is what they put it down to.
OK.
OK.
Now, he might be joking, he might not, that he may or may not have been in and out of therapy.
I wouldn't be surprised if he had been.
I think he probably has been.
Do you know who it is, Adam Buxton?
I've got an idea.
0 8 7 1 triple 2 1 0 4 9.
There's a third clip that kind of gives it away.
Shall we see if we get any calls off the first two clips?
Yeah, let's see if anyone- I reckon that's probably quite an easy one.
I think most people will have an idea of who that is.
OK, I want to hear who you think it is.
Shall I tell you right now?
No, no, no.
During a record.
Okay, I'm gonna- I've got a little free play for you right now.
Oh yeah, good one.
Sid Barrett's birthday it was very recently, um, ex Pink Floyd of course.
Sid Barrett is one of those people that kind of vanished off the radar, um, a long time ago and just is a- lives a reclusive life now in Cambridge.
But it's strange to think that he is still alive.
What band was he in for younger listeners?
He was in Pink Floyd.
Okay.
In an early incarnation of Pink Floyd.
And, uh,
Yeah, strange to think that he's still wandering around quite happily in Cambridge somewhere.
But anyway, I don't think he makes music any more, and he certainly wasn't up for reforming for Live 8.
But this is a track from one of his solo albums, which were all pretty extraordinary, and this is a song called Baby Lemonade.
Christmas Day.
That was peculiar.
It is peculiar, but he was peculiar but good.
You gotta play some peculiar stuff every now and again.
In the clock they sent through the washing machine?
Yeah.
Is that what he said?
We've had a, amongst many texts we've had, we've had a text from Andy who says you should have played effervescent elephant.
off the same album.
I was thinking about it, Andy.
It's a bit more of a toe-tapper, certainly.
But, um, I thought it was, you know, it's a kind of depressing January day.
I thought I'd bring everyone down a bit further with that one.
It is a depressing day.
It's a post-nuclear day.
It really is, isn't it?
Nuclear winter day.
Slate Grey.
So listen, we're in the middle of playing a crap commentary competition.
We've heard two clips from a mysterious actor, a child actor, who's grown up and provided commentary on the film that he was famous for.
You know, no one's kind of getting it, but we've got one person on the line who might have it.
I was completely off-beam, wasn't I?
Yeah, Adam had a guess.
He was totally off-beam.
Totally off-beam.
Do we have a caller on the line, Xanthi?
Yes, we do.
What is his name, Richard?
Yes.
Is he ready?
Is he there?
Hello, Richard?
Hello.
How you doing?
Not too bad, mate.
Not too bad.
How are you enjoying this nuclear day?
It's been fantastic so far.
I'm listening to it at work.
I'm actually upstairs skiving at the moment.
Is it?
What?
You're skiving from doing what?
I work in a biographic lab.
I'm meant to be developing people's brains.
Oh, get upstairs.
Saucy.
Do you ever see any saucy pics?
Erm, one or two occasionally.
People probably don't develop saucy pics anymore because of digital technology.
I know I don't.
I take them myself and then put them on my computer.
Yes.
Exactly.
And then at night I'll do it all the time and it's always exciting.
That's some good advice.
I don't know what that was.
Anyway.
Well done, Richard.
I swear, sorry about that.
Let's get to the point.
Yeah.
Which is, who do you think that slightly troubled man was, former child star?
It's the rather annoying Daniel Radcliffe.
Daniel Radcliffe?
Harry Potter.
Harry Potter?
I believe so.
So do you think he was being ironic about the therapy then?
You'd like to think so, but I don't know.
I reckon somewhere there's going to be a psychiatrist with a few stories to tell.
Do you think he's heading for a Harry breakdown?
that would even place a sticker in the big rubber house.
Do you know what the headline would be?
The headline would be Harry Potty.
Harry day is brilliant.
In the tabloids wouldn't it?
He should be on radio, that's brilliant.
Yeah, wow.
You know what, you're wrong Richard.
Am I wrong?
Yeah, I mean the voice we heard was a bit too old I think to be Radcliffe and Radcliffe's quite a sensible man.
He's pretty well stitched up.
His dad's an agent.
Really?
His dad's a powerful agent, yeah, either used to be or is still.
He's an intelligent, well-grounded boy.
He will end up on the Big Brother house at some stage.
On it.
You're right about that.
In, maybe on it, screaming.
Parachuting onto it as a publicity stunt.
With Barrymore.
Not even in it.
So Richard, bad luck, but do you want to stay on the line and hear this third clip that might give it away?
So I bet you Richard still won't get it, so do call 08712221049 if this final clip gives it away.
It gives you a bit more information about who else was in the film this trouble kid was in.
We're going to give Richard another crack, are we?
Well, I'm confident he won't get it.
OK, all right.
Cos he was so far off.
Listen to this, Richard.
I was definitely aware of Sean Connery cos of James Bond again.
You know, one of the ultimate fantasy figures.
He was really, really friendly, really down-to-earth, yeah.
And my mum was saying to him that he'd got the job because of his thighs.
Ah, I love- this- I love him.
I think he sounds like a really, really nice bloke.
A sweet bloke, yeah, but that's tough, man.
I would never have guessed it if you hadn't told me.
But now- but now- oh, really?
But you got it now?
Well, I know it now, yeah.
Richard?
Hello.
Hello, anything coming?
If you know it, don't say it, cos it's not fair.
Do you know it?
I- I've absolutely got no idea.
No idea.
Of anything that Sean Connery's been in, like,
recently.
Well listen, thanks for calling.
We're so hard up for prizes, we can't even sort of give you a consolation one.
Can we?
Can we?
Can we give him one?
Yeah.
Do you want tickets to see Skin at the 100 Club?
What about Barker?
We can give him Barker.
Do you want a copy of Barker?
That's the best prize, man.
Do you want a copy of Barker DVD?
Whatever's going, I'm not fussy.
We'll send you a Barker DVD.
Thanks for calling, Richard.
Have a slice of Ronnie.
Cheers.
Good luck processing the dirty prints.
The dirty, dirty prints.
Let's play some more music and then see if anyone else has got an idea about who that was.
Has got what the answer of the question is talking.
Bye-bye.
Oh, that was nice.
Yeah, thank you.
That's one I call Heartbeats.
Well, that was very well played.
Your guitar's come along very beautifully.
Thank you very much.
Um, that's the last, uh, depressing song we're gonna play for a while.
Is it?
Oh, it's suitable.
It's good to play depressing songs on the most depressing day of the year.
It's the most depressing day of the year!
Steve Laughs Steve Laughs
How you doing?
Fine, thanks.
Hey, you know, I hear Paul actually got this before we played the third clip with the bit of salient information.
I just want to make it clear that Paul is actually cleverer.
He's a kind of movie genius.
He kind of is.
Hello, Paul.
Now, shall we play one of the original clips just to remind people?
Let's play clip number two.
OK.
Is that OK?
Here it comes.
Yeah, well, I've been in therapy for years and years now.
You know, just trying to sort out the good and evil in my head and, like, you know...
And sometimes I just lose it.
And this is what they put it down to.
There we go.
Sometimes I just lose it.
Yeah, but you know, I love this person.
I genuinely do, because as a boy, he suffered for the pleasure of millions.
Didn't necessarily suffer, but was exposed to a filmmaking experience that has probably led to some disappointment in later life.
But anyway, let's give away who he is.
Paul, who is this?
It's Craig Warnock.
That's right.
From the film.
Time Bandits.
The little boy from Time Bandits.
Craig's right.
Craig Warnock is his name?
Warnock, yeah.
And I think he's actually a, er, pretty accomplished keyboard player now.
Plays in kind of solely funky bands, I think.
Mm.
And I think he might even still act.
IMDB seemed to say that he was in Cinderella Man.
Oh, yeah.
Or maybe that was his brother, cos he had a bro- he actually went for the audition, his brother went for the audition, but he got cast instead.
Oh, that's a great story.
Yeah.
Are you a fan of that film, Paul?
What do you like about it?
It's a good question, isn't it?
Thanks.
What?
What?
Oh, you liked it when you were younger?
Yeah.
Well, well done, man.
That's very, very good.
And are you into Desperate Housewives?
Why would you be?
The series we're talking about, not the actual people.
Oh dear.
Paul, are you still there?
Paul's gone to sleep.
He's a Paulie.
Paul's rolled over and started to cry.
So what Paul, do you want a prize?
Do you want tickets or a DVD?
Which one?
Ronnie Barker or The Desperate Housewives?
The Desperate Housewives has more eBay value because it is seven discs.
Six discs.
Yeah, there you go.
You should get 20 quid for that.
You could make a small mirror out of it as well.
You could just sellotape the discs together and display them with the mirror side facing up and bingo.
And Paul, do you not agree with me that Craig Warnock deserves our respect for being in that film?
do you think?
I think so too.
Paul, thanks for calling, and we'll get that present off to you.
Um, that's great stuff, and I, you know, I love, uh, you, Craig Warnock, because- Ricky and Paul- and Paul, but particularly Craig Warnock, because he's obviously- can you imagine being in Time Bandits when you were eleven?
and then having to deal with the day-to-day reality of life in contemporary Britain for the rest of your life.
Steve Yeah.
Plunged into the crazy world of Terry Gilliam and then pulled right out of it again.
Maybe Craig's listening.
Steve Yeah, I hope he is.
If- if you are, I love you.
And I think you're brilliant.
Steve We all love you.
Give us a call.
And, uh, um, Joe, we got some more adverts.
Were you happy with the last crop of adverts?
Steve Oh!
You know what?
I didn't understand the Nivea one.
Well, listen out.
Maybe it'll happen again and it'll become clearer.
OK.
What's the Nivea one?
It's one of those ones that makes you anxious about being in your thirties and try and get you to use face cream like what women do.
OK.
Yeah?
Yeah.
Listen out.
Are we in trouble?
Have the arctic monkeys had a breakdown?
Monkey breakdown!
Maybe they've been withdrawn after 2005.
Cause they're not hot anymore.
Monkey breakdown!
Hooray, the Arctic Monkeys.
They worked.
They got it together again.
After a small breakdown.
I still love that song.
It's very good.
It's such a good song.
It stays good as well.
Did you hear the new one of theirs?
No, when's the album coming out?
I don't know.
It's gotta be soon.
Come on, Xanthi.
Come on, Xanthi.
Release the Arctic Monkeys album.
From your... pockets.
From your low trousers.
This is Adam and Jo on XFM, Britain's 104.9.
It's five to two.
In about 15 minutes' time, I'm going to be playing some Cliff Richard.
Oh, yeah.
Yeah, I know it sounds like, you know, something not exciting or fun or enjoyable, but trust me, it's Cliff Richard in a new way.
Yeah, I'm looking forward to that.
Yeah.
That's gonna be excellent.
And, um, I was playing Trivial Pursuit the other day, Joe Cornish.
That's exciting.
Yeah.
I hate that game.
Why?
I hate it almost as much as I hate Cranium.
I've never played Cranium.
No insult to the people I've played Cranium with, but I hate Cranium.
You know Cranium?
Yeah, what about Cranium Cadou?
What's that?
I don't know.
Cranium.
What's your problem with Cranium?
Because it's supposed to be creative.
It's about as creative as doing the- your accounts.
It's got loads of different things, like one of the rounds you draw- Play-Doh, um, it's just terrible.
I hate it.
I- I just, ugh.
What's wrong with Triv's though?
Triv's is a classic!
The thing- the thing I hate about this game is just getting rid of the board.
I hate the whole dice and going around the thing and then having to get four things.
Yeah.
Just get some cards with questions on, read them out!
Make something out of Play-Doh.
You don't need a board and dice to justify making things out of Play-Doh with your family.
Go out and do something less boring instead.
Yeah, man.
Anyway.
Well, anyway, you might like the new edition of Trivial Pursuit.
Doubt it.
Because they've dumbed it right down.
Do you remember- do you remember the old categories?
Can you remember the old categories of Trivial Pursuit?
Er, well, it was literature and- and, er, entertainment and geography and history and- is that it?
Two more.
Sport.
Yeah.
And lose.
Lose.
I don't know.
Lavies.
Lavies.
Science and nature.
Science and nature.
There you go.
Lose.
There you go.
Same thing.
Well, they've got rid of- they've got rid of those categories now for the, erm, 20th anniversary edition.
And they've got a whole bunch of new categories to reflect, uh, the changing face of intellectual Britain.
Yeah.
And the world, I suppose.
Uh, the categories are no longer, um, what you just mentioned.
Wow.
This is big news.
New Trivial Pursuit categories.
Yeah.
This is headline stuff.
They're more or less the same, but they're basically, um, a little bit more flexible.
Read them out.
So you've got global view, now.
Instead of?
Instead of geography.
So subjects now include geography, ecology, space, global cultures, our small planet and biological issues.
Wow.
Uh, you've got sound and screen instead of entertainment.
What?
Subjects include television, movies, quotes, plot summaries of TV shows, the music industry, song lyrics and band names.
That's more or less the same.
Yeah.
News, you've got now, including headlines from the past 20 years, quirky news items.
So that's history.
And history, yeah.
quite good history, it's been rebranded as news.
Steve Yeah.
Ricky So everything, even in the past, becomes topical.
Steve Exactly.
Ricky That'll get kids excited in the classroom.
Steve You've got, instead of art and lit, you've got the written word, subjects include books, magazines, websites, the written word, comic books and comic strips.
Ricky Comics.
Steve Yeah.
Ricky That's good.
Comics are good.
Steve Um, innovations, subjects include inventions, science, the internet, home electronics,
personal- they're like little, like, you know, planning things, like bloopers and all that business.
Ricky says, oh, yeah, yeah.
Uh, DVDs, cloning, science fiction, and the future.
Steve says, wow.
And has this had an impact on the questions themselves?
Are they easier?
Ricky says, they're a lot easier.
Yeah, it's totally random.
One of the questions I got, um- oh, and the last category, instead of sports, incidentally, is game time, which includes computer games, cards, board games, and darts.
Wow.
So they- they've dumbed down Trivs?
Pretty much, yeah.
Like, one of the questions that, uh, you know how- how when you're playing Trivs, the opposing team always seems to get, like, a- a run of really basic ones, and you- and you sort of get- What's get the difficult ones?
Yeah.
What's the atomic weight of, you know, whatever.
And, uh, the opposing team- What's the atomic weight of whatever?
Yeah, that's- Yeah, that's a contemporary question.
Figure that one out.
Yeah.
Yeah, yeah.
Um, but they got, um, who is going out with Gwyneth Paltrow?
Oh, that's a tough one.
Oh, that tough one.
You know, it was- The opposing team got that.
Yeah.
And you got what's the atomic weight of whatever.
Of whatever, yeah.
Blimey.
it's not fair, is it?
That's scandalous.
Hey, if anybody out there listening has got the game, uh, Cranium, and has got it in their hand, give us a call, 0-8-7-1-triple-two-one-o-four-nine, because there's something really deeply annoying about Cranium that you could help us describe if you've got the game.
0-8-7-1-triple-two-one-o-four-nine.
Give us a call.
Give us a call, time for some adverts now at the top of the hour, um, you heard your Nivea one, I'm glad, glad about that.
Yeah, yeah, I wasn't listening to it properly though.
Terry Christian.
Yeah, have we got more adverts?
Yeah, we got some more now.
Hopefully it'll come up again.
xFm Love music, love xFm Love music, love xFm
XFM.
that's hard fire with cash machine this is adam and joe on xfm london's 104.9 hey britain's 104.9 thanks you know thank you for setting this straight 2006 absolutely now did you see uh the friday night project last night joe
Er, yes, I did.
The triumphant return of, er, Britain's- The Friday Night Project, yes.
Britain's favourite show.
Listen, we've got to be careful though, because it's Justin E. Collins coming in after us.
No.
No.
No, because he's too exhausted from last night's action.
He's away for the next few weeks, even months.
But Wes, as ex-Channel 4 celebrities, we're now sandwiched between two primary Channel 4, active Channel 4 celebrities.
That's right.
The Zayn and the Lee Collins.
Yeah.
Noel Edmonds for the noughties.
Er, you'd better like Justin Lee Collins because you're gonna be seeing a lot more of him this year.
I think he's, erm, Channel 4's basically positioned him as the new Jimmy Carr this year.
Erm, along with, what's the name of, er, his co-host on the Friday Night Project?
Oh, er, Alan Carr.
Alan Carr, the amusingly gay man.
Is he gay?
I believe he is, yes.
Erm, that's his thing, is to be gay and wear a pink sweater.
It'd be good if there was a celebrity that acted that camp but just wasn't gay.
Well, there's a possibility that Alan Carr is not gay, and I apologize if I'm impugning his manhood in any way.
Um, but- We should ask the listeners, shouldn't we, what they thought of the Friday night project?
Yeah, yeah.
If you saw it, had an opinion, text 83XFM.
After all, it's aimed at XFM type listeners, thrusting intelligent, funky people.
Happening young people.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Do you think that's who it's aimed at?
Yeah, either that or Toddlers.
Toddlers.
I think it's more likely to be Toddlers.
Toddlers.
It's basically children's TV with swearing.
Yeah.
Isn't it?
Yes, exactly.
I was shocked at how posh Billy Piper was.
I thought she was an East End, um, salt of the earth, market trader type girl.
That's what she comes off like in Doctor Who.
She's like a little drama school person, I think.
Disappointing.
She seems like a nice person, though.
Seems like a nice girl.
But she pops up on pretty much just bad shows now in the evenings.
What did you think of it, Adam?
Well, it seemed odd.
I'm just curious to know what the project itself is.
You see, I believe that it is some kind of scientific project.
It is an actual project?
Yeah.
Well, you know, my theory- do you wanna hear my theory?
Sorry, you haven't even got yours out.
No, you- go ahead, my theory was very banal.
Just, um, Channel 4 is just doing some kind of amazing experiment to see what happens if they just take this, uh, format that absolutely no one likes, runs for one season in 2005 to universal, um, loathing, as far as I can tell.
And, uh, so they decide to recommission it, keep it exactly the same, with every single segment just kept perfectly the same, like, you've got to have the girl going out and sort of pointing at people and saying, oh, you look like Robert De Niro, even though they don't, because that was so brilliant the first time round, we couldn't possibly mess with that.
We've got to have, like, a different celebrity each week doing a really flat monologue at the top of the show.
You wouldn't want to mess with that.
That was brilliant.
Uh, all they've done is change their faces.
And that's it.
That's their experiment, is to...
That's the project.
Can we make people love something that's rubbish?
Yes, exactly.
By changing very few elements.
That's not my opinion.
Yeah, that's my opinion.
That's Adam Buckson's opinion.
what's your theory my theory is that they're trying to create uh television they're trying to make uh television with the least work as possible because something weird's happened on itv you know those shows you get on cable have a go balls and the great british quiz where they've got an impossible quiz on screen oh yeah and you phone in it's 25p a minute or something a pound a minute that's come on itv now itv at late night they've got a ridiculous phone-in quiz oh i saw that yeah with that stupid quiz man a guy with a wig they're not allowed to have that on proper telly are they
Are they?
It's money making, isn't it?
It's money making.
So that's TV with no actual content but yet people watch it and they make money from it.
Equally Big Brother when they just have someone sleeping and there's a text thing along the bottom of the screen and people are texting and it's basically just a revenue earning stream.
And minimum effort, they're just basically filming someone in bed.
Brilliant.
If you run a TV company, Ka-ching!
Fantastic.
Same with the Friday Night Project.
They've just got the amazing enthusiasm of Justin E. Collins, who's so enthusiastic, there's got to be something there.
He's so full of love and passion that you're sort of deceived that, that, oh, I love this man and what's happening, but actually there's nothing, it's just like candy floss, there's nothing, actually nothing there.
Yeah, County Frost with a K. Yeah.
Have a thin layer of something.
Oh, it's shocking.
Anyway, that's my theory.
You know, I'd genuinely like to hear from someone who likes that show, and we wouldn't sort of ridicule you out of hand.
I want to hear your opinions.
If you're someone who's a fan of The Friday Night Project, I'd really like to hear what you get out of it.
We've got opinions coming in already, Adam.
The Friday Night Project was cheap.
It's a scientific test to examine the stupidity of the British public.
It says scientist.
I thought the Friday Night Project was like Pooh trying to be funny.
It's not funny at all, says Kelly.
Fripp was crap, says Joe.
Friday Night Project was fab.
But it could have got a decent band, said Lindsay.
So somebody likes it.
There you go.
Pretty funny, may watch it again.
Well, you know, phone in.
I'd like to speak to someone who thinks that it's fab and hear what their voice sounds like.
Now, anyway, here's a song right now.
This is a free play.
This is Brendan Benson from his last album and it's called Last Man Standing.
Last Man Standing by Brendan Benson.
This is Adam and Joe on XFM.
Is it Cliff Richard time?
Oh, yeah.
Where's your CD going?
I don't know.
It's on the same one, uh, what you had earlier.
This listener's, uh, we're gonna play some Cliff Richard now, but we were talking about how disappointed Adam was with the Friday Night Project.
Of course, I loved it.
You said there was a couple of bits that made you laugh.
I did laugh.
I laughed when Justin Lee Collins put on that coat of cash, just because of Justin himself.
Mm.
Uh, but you know what?
Next time I see Justin Lee Collins, I want him to hate me.
I want him to go, I can't really swear, but I want him to tell me to sod off.
Steve Why?
Ricky ...'cause he's just so nice to everybody.
It's no longer seeming genuine.
And I think the only genuine response you could now get from Justin is- is real anger.
Steve laughs Ricky ...and hate.
Do you know what I mean?
Steve I've never seen him actually furious.
Ricky I've never seen him angry, so I think I'm gonna make Justin E. Collins angry.
Unfortunately, he's not here this afternoon.
Steve He gets quite, um, wound up on his radio show, though, doesn't he?
Ricky He must be like an angry lion.
Must be like, um, Aslan.
Steve Yeah.
Ricky Getting- getting peed off.
But anyway, listen, so Cliff Richard, obviously he's not the favourite artist of your average XFM listener.
Probably doesn't have a lot of Richard in the library.
But one of the funniest things I saw on telly over Christmas, it was fairly slim pick-ins, was a show on BBC 4 called Don't Watch That, Watch This.
And it's kind of an obscure comedy montage show where they use footage and overdub it.
Some of it was pretty funny but one bit I thought was very clever.
So I recorded it and I've sort of pieced it together to play to you.
What they've done is taken a Cliff Richard song, one of his Christmas songs, and they've changed it.
It's hard to explain.
They've basically put beeps on it, as if he was singing very rude words, OK?
So I'd like to reiterate, everybody listening, that there is no swearing.
in what you're about to hear.
In fact, it's the exact opposite.
It's an utterly innocuous Cliff Richard song full of Jesus and the opposite of swearing.
But yet, with the simple application of some swery-tight beeps, it's made to sound like the most obscene thing you've ever heard.
Listen to this.
The child is a **** The carer loves her Ain't all this past doesn't do
I'm time for f***ing I'm time for f***ing
That's the end.
That's amazing.
That's pretty good, isn't it?
Yeah, that's- Haven't I ever done it before?
Uh, I can't remember.
I don't think so.
We could steal that and apply it to different songs each week.
Yeah, that's a good idea.
That's rude, isn't it?
You shouldn't have played it, man.
Really?
Because no one- no one watches BBC Four.
No, that's not my idea.
It's- it's that- I've gotta, you know, give respect to the people who produce Don't Watch That Watch This on, uh, on- on BBC Four.
Vera Productions.
Yeah, that's funny.
Good idea.
Very good idea.
That was excellent.
What time- they're still showing Don't Watch That Watch This.
I don't know.
I don't even know if it was a series.
Er, it was a series.
I was in one of them.
What are you?
Er, the first one.
Ooh.
And, er, it was good.
It had lots of good moments in it.
Yeah, but that's a good idea.
They should've- I hope they'll do it again.
Maybe they'll do it next week.
Mmm.
Er, right.
Shall we play some more music?
Yes.
Er, let's see.
Would you like some magic numbers, Joe?
Yes, I like the magic numbers.
OK, here they are.
That's the magic numbers with Forever Lost.
We've been receiving quite a few texts from people who very much enjoyed the Friday Night Project and thought it was perfect post-pub fare.
You're out of touch, Buxton.
I'm totally out of touch.
You're over the hill.
I love the Friday Night Project.
Well, I'm going to watch it again next week.
You know what, I just like, you know, I want to work for Channel 4 and I like Justin Lee Collins, so I'm not going to badmouth it.
I love Channel 4 and I love Justin Lee Collins.
Hey, listen, I love Justin Lee Collins and Channel 4 as much as anyone.
Yeah.
Er... But... But I really don't like the Friday Night Project and I can't... Yeah, like if you saw your friend being run over by a bus, wouldn't you go and help them?
Yeah, what are you talking about?
Channel 4 and Justin Lee Collins.
Oh yeah, exactly.
That's what I'm saying.
Get him out.
I'm not saying that, but I'm just offering that as a simile for your situation.
Bust him out of the garage.
I'm not in that situation because I love them both.
And I'm a big fan of the Friday Night Project.
I'm setting my Sky Plus to record it.
Yep.
Every week.
Anyway, there you go.
Did you watch, um, sorry, what were you gonna say?
Nothing.
Did you watch Ricky Gervais' Talking to Larry David?
No, I didn't.
Why not?
Cos I ca- I- I can't look at Ricky Gervais, he's too successful.
He makes me angry and upset and I just... Plus, how long, this is a point, a question for you listeners as well, how long can a man make his comedy act being amazingly arrogant?
and it not become slightly, you know, just- just, well, you know- Ricky and Steve- Annoying.
Steve- Yeah.
Ricky and Steve- But that's the way they edited the trails, are you talking about the- the- Steve- No, just ev- ev- everything.
I love Ricky, he's brilliant, but as- as a member of the public, I kind of, um, you know, uh, I dunno, I'm confused.
I can't- I can't deal- he's so happy and successful, I can't- Ricky and Steve- Well, one of the things that came across- Steve- This is why he's so keen on America, he should go live in America, cause he's not- he's too successful to live in Britain now.
Ricky laughs Steve- He's- it's wrong to see his face here.
Well he reckons that he's become a recluse now, he doesn't go out to parties, that's what he was saying to Larry David, yeah.
So he is, he feels as if he is too successful.
But he came across as being out of the two people, because obviously both Ricky and Larry David kind of play versions of themselves on screen.
Certainly in extras, the character is a lot closer to Ricky in real life, don't you reckon?
Yeah, I don't- I don't know.
Have you never watched extras?
Yeah, I have.
But they- When I say I don't know, I mean I wasn't listening.
Right.
I was reading texts.
I was just saying that they both play kind of versions of themselves on screen.
Yes, true.
Yeah.
Yeah.
But the version that Ricky plays is probably a lot closer to what he's really like.
No, you're going too deep.
Than the Larry David one.
I'm not that interested in them.
But you're probably right.
You should have watched it, man.
It was quite- it was quite... Interesting.
...instructive and interesting and it certainly made you think like, um, wow, if he gets on well with Ricky then he could probably get on well with me because Ricky was more or less just sort of, uh, very excited and being quite a fan.
I want to see Ricky Chavez meets Justin Lee Collins.
I want them to talk about comedy.
Hey, listen, we should also say that somebody's texted in to say the bleeping thing.
We just played a Cliff Richard song with words bleeped out to make them sound rude.
Apparently they do that on... I'm sorry I haven't a clue.
On Radio 4.
So, you know, sorry if that's old news.
Yeah, OK.
Man, I've got such a bad cold.
Really?
Play some signers cleansing music, something powerful.
Have you got- have you- do you not get colds at this time of year?
No.
No.
When was the last time you had a cold?
I haven't been ill since 1969.
You're indestructible.
Yeah, boy.
What's your secret?
I'm the Terminator 2.
Wow.
Yeah, I'm made of liquid metal.
I wish I was made of liquid metal.
I can make my finger into a spike and stab you through the milk carton.
Really?
And your head.
Don't do that.
On the same spike.
Let's have some kooks, the kooks.
Uh, listen, I'd love to play the kooks, but I- But- I wanna play some more adverts.
Oh, okay.
Alright.
Deal with this.
there you go that was beth orton with conceived and before that you heard block party with banquet this is adam and joe on xfm yeah so we've still got a couple of high quality prizes to give away uh we've still got a best of ronnie barker dvd is that it we've got tickets to see skin you didn't give away the housewives yet did you yeah we did we gave it away to what's-his-face who called earlier
Oh yeah, Paul who, yeah.
And we've got a pair of tickets to see Stephen Fretwell.
So here's a quick, er, text competition just before we do Ditties in the Dock, which will happen in about five or ten minutes.
Er, can we think of a name for this competition?
Is it like Life Sounds Better to Coldplay or something?
I don't know.
Erm... Coldplay it again?
This is the factory in Leicestershire, which will make Elizabeth's ready-to-wear jewellery collection if she can persuade stores to order it.
Now, though, they're making the samples which will be used to attract buyers.
Elizabeth's visiting to ensure everything is up to standard.
the samples that will be used to attract buyers.
Ricky laughs Steve- Do you think he had that in mind when he wrote it?
Steve- Yeah.
Ricky laughs Steve- Yeah.
But what's wrong with that?
Because, you know, her stor- that Elizabeth and her jewellery factory, she- it might, you know, she might get great strength from- and solace from the songs of Culver.
Steve- Absolutely.
That's probably what she listens to when she's making the jewellery.
Anyway, what show was that?
83XFM.
We need a name for this competition.
JEWELRY JEWELRY JEWELRY JEWELRY JEWELRY JEWELRY JEWELRY JEWELRY JEWELRY JEWELRY JEWELRY JEWELRY JEWELRY JEWELRY JEWELRY JEWELRY JEWELRY JEWELRY JEWELRY JEWELRY JEWELRY JEWELRY JEWELRY JEWELRY JEWELRY JEWELRY JEWELRY JEWELRY JEWELRY JEWELRY JEWELRY JEWELRY JEWELRY JEWELRY JEWELRY JEWELRY JEWELRY JEWELRY JEWELRY JEWELRY JEWELRY JEWELRY JEWELRY JEWELRY JEWELRY JEWELRY JEWELRY JEWELRY JEWELRY JEWELRY JEWELRY J
It's a bit like Christmas for me at the moment.
I get very excited when we get the products coming off the production run, if you like, to now see a ready-to-wear collection off and running.
It's great.
ready to wear collection is up and running it's great we should just um sometimes bring in clips that we have just put Coldplay music over ourselves do you think there's any kind of television program under which Coldplay wouldn't be appropriate no let's bring in some stuff next week you can play Coldplay under anything yeah footage of war that wouldn't be wrong would it no starving people that wouldn't be wrong that would be moving
Is there any situation where playing some Coldplay isn't appropriate?
Let's test it, man.
Let's get some clips and bring them in next week.
Now that would be appropriate.
Would it?
Yeah.
Yeah, cause it's about the political strife in the world.
Cause it's moving.
Exactly.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Hey everyone's getting it, look at this, all the texts are coming in.
Everyone's getting it as well.
Have they got it right?
Yes they have.
Patton Glasgow's got it right, Anne's got it right, Brian in Blackpool's got it right, Jamie in London's got it right.
Well listen, pick someone at random so we can just wrap the whole thing up immediately.
Oh, well, let's, let's pick the first person who texted in.
Anne, you're wrong with the money program.
Uh, hang on, the first person who's actually put their name down.
Why are there millions?
There's millions.
Millions?
James in Fulham.
Hang on.
James doesn't need a prize.
He lives in Fulham.
Come on.
That's his prize.
No, Fulham's not all posh people.
Yes, it is.
No, it isn't.
There's lots of horrible parts of Fulham.
OK, James.
As long as you live in a horrible part of Fulham, you can have a prize.
Cos it is, of course, from the Dragon's Den.
Not just the Dragon's Den, but the Dragon's Den Christmas special, where they were finding out how everyone who had won some money off at a Dragon's was getting on.
What were you doing?
What do you know?
I love the Dragon's Den, man, and so do our listeners, cos we've had about a thousand responses to that.
Yeah, there you go.
Great competition.
What's it called again?
Coldplay it Again.
Coldplay it Again.
We'll have another Coldplay clip next week if they come on telly, which they probably will.
Well, yeah, but don't you think we should have, like, some real ones and some fake ones and you have to figure out?
Yeah.
If we're hard up for one, we'll do a fake one and it'll be true or falsie.
Ooh, I'm excited about that.
Now, Joe, you wanted to hear the kooks, didn't you?
Yes.
Well, here they are.
Yeah, that's the Kooks with You Don't Love Me, the third single from the Teenage Brighton-based quartet coming out through Virgin Records and the follow-up to Sofa Song, which went top 30 in October of last year.
That's rather sudden.
Strange intonation there.
It's Ditties in the Dock time.
What is Ditties in the Dock, Adam?
Well, Joe, at the end of every program here on XFM, we battle it out to see who'll be the person that gets to play the final song of our two-hour stint.
This week, it's a battle between... what is it?
It's a themed battle this week, Adam, and it's songs that play over the closing credits of movies.
Er, does that fit what you've chosen?
You d- not necessarily closing credits, though, is it?
Well, you- you tell me what the theme is.
Well, what's your choice, though?
OK, my choice, ladies and gentlemen, listeners, is- what is my choice?
It's from the closing credits of Raising Arizona, my favourite Coen brothers movie,
it's a sort of bluegrass gumbo bit of classic by a famous early folk singer whose name is Pete Seeger and it's called the goofing off suite and if you've ever seen Raising Arizona you'll know it it's fantastic banjo and amazing sort of high-pitched squealing and whistling
This is fantastic.
Adam's doing it in the background even as we speak.
It's that one, right?
This guy Pete Seeger's a very important American folk musician.
He was friends with Woody Guthrie, did all sorts of important music in the 40s.
He threatened to cut the cables for one of Bob Dylan's electric concerts because he was so outraged that Dylan had gone electric.
I believe so, I might be wrong about that.
There we go.
But it's a fantastic track, so if you want some sort of weird, brilliant banjo stuff, or if you know the movie Raising Arizona, one of my all-time favourites, then call 0871 222 1049 and vote for Pete Seeger and Raising Arizona.
Or... That's over the opening titles as well, though, that track.
Yeah, all through the movie.
Yeah, so, the movie.
So I'm going for the opening titles music from Antz, which... Ah.
Which is some of the... And I think it was also the same... Is that one?
Yeah, it's brilliant.
Yeah, it's good, isn't it?
Who's that by?
That is by Harry Gregson... He's not famous.
Harry Gregson-Williams and John Powell.
You're stuffed.
None of the XFM kids will care about that.
So it's the theme music to Antz, spelt with a Z. Antz, yeah.
And this is the Woody Allen CGI movie.
No, Woody Allen's in it.
And so's Sylvester Stallone, they're CGI ants.
Came out at the same time more or less as Bugs Life.
Yeah, good movie.
And I prefer ants to Bugs Life.
You're a man with great taste, Adam.
I've always said so.
I'm in the ants camp.
Yeah.
So it's the theme tune to ants versus the theme tune to Raising Arizona.
That's a peculiar ditties.
Can I just say as well that the theme from ants was also used, I believe, as the theme to Thunder Pants.
ThunderPants with a Z. ThunderPants.
Do you remember ThunderPants?
Who can forget ThunderPants starring Ron Weasley?
A boy who farts so hard he goes into space.
He harnesses the fart power and it was directed by the guy that did Sliding Doors.
Is it?
He used to be in Bread.
Yeah, forget his name.
Always forget his name.
Anyway, listen, I'm telling you, the theme from Ants is just amazing.
It's the most exciting kind of orchestral thing, and the sequence where they go into the ant colony at the beginning and you see all the ants working is amazing.
But even when you're not watching the movie, it's an extraordinary piece of music, and I want you to vote for Ants.
No one's gonna call.
I think these pieces of music are too obscure.
So remember, everyone who comes on air gets a chance to win a prize.
0871 222 1049.
Vote for Raising Arizona or Ants.
Call now!
The ants just finished.
How long ago did they finish?
The ants finished prematurely.
Did they finish a while ago?
OK, we're not really together.
It's the first show of 2006.
We're a bit confused here.
Shall we play some music and then come back with some calls for Dizzy's in the Dock?
That was Maximo Park with Apply Some Pressure.
Yes, it's the gut-renting climax of Ditties in the Dock.
We've been pitching movie-themed tunes this week.
It's Antz with a Z versus the Raising Arizona theme.
So that's Pete Seeger with the goofing-off suite versus who with what?
Versus Harry Gregson, Williams and John Powell.
Oh, them.
Brilliant.
Them.
Always in the charts.
With the amazing theme from Antz.
And it's got whistling.
It's a whistling classic as well.
So this is really a whistling sort of Ditties, isn't it?
Er, is there whistling in your one?
Yes, there certainly is.
Oh.
Yeah, yeah.
So we've got five callers on the line.
Let's go to Jason first.
Hello, Jason.
Oh, it's you actually?
Yeah, well, well, well, all right, Jason, as you might have noticed earlier, the entire show stopped.
There was just silence, wasn't there?
Did you notice that?
Uncomfortable one.
There was an uncomfortable silence, cos Adam went to the loo, and Xanthi was taking callers, and I was reading Yesterday's Sun.
I thought we agreed that we weren't gonna mention this.
Well, suddenly I felt like I should.
I was just, Jason, did you notice it at all?
Um, I did, yeah.
Yeah, you did.
Do you think it looked really bad?
I thought you'd been shut down, yeah.
Yeah, yeah, I did look back, thanks Jason.
So listen mate, what are you going to vote for?
Have you seen Ant and Raising Arizona?
I haven't, no.
You haven't seen either of them?
No.
Yet you're voting on what you're using as your, you know, logic.
He just wanted to phone and have a chat.
Well don't him answer, he can speak for himself, Adam.
Oh, I'm sorry.
He's Yathon.
I just wanted to phone and have a chat.
There you go.
Well, in the end you were right.
Jason, what are you up to this afternoon?
Just taking it easy.
Taking it easy.
That sounds suspicious to me.
Phoning people up.
Having a chat.
So, Jason, with your limited knowledge of the tracks in question, which one are you going to go for?
Which one do you like the sound of?
Raisin Arizona.
Hey, good man.
Based on what?
How have you come to that decision?
Just to call a few people and have a little chat to them.
Hello?
Hello?
Sorry, Jason, I spoke over you.
What were you saying?
I just like the word raisin.
That's a very good answer.
He likes raisins.
Well done.
Well, that's one nil to Cornish.
And let's go to our next caller.
Well, hang on.
Is Jason still there?
Yeah.
Do you want a prize of some sort, Jason?
Oh, yeah.
Are you interested in skin from Skunk and Nancy?
Yeah.
Yeah?
Do you want to go see her?
You don't sound very interested.
Do you want her?
No, I don't want to go and see it.
Then you are asking for that.
What about Stephen Fretwell?
Yeah, he's definitely going to go and see Stephen Fretwell.
Jason, Stephen Fretwell.
What is he saying?
I don't know.
No one knows.
Listen, just, um... Have a nice day.
Have a nice day.
That'll have to be your prize.
Thanks for calling.
What were you thinking about?
Asking him if he wanted to go and see skin from... He might.
He'd be a fan of skin from skin.
He's never heard of the films that we're voting for.
He doesn't know what we're doing.
You underestimate Jason.
He's a clever man.
He just plays his cards close to his chest.
Lewis, are you there?
Hello, Lewis.
Hello, there.
How are you doing?
I'm good.
How are you?
Er, fine.
What are you wearing, Lewis?
Erm, I am in paint-covered trousers at the moment.
Really?
Is that a fashion thing or are you painting your bathroom?
Er, painting the bathroom.
Right, well done.
I think a lot of people listen to this show while they're painting.
While decorating?
Yeah, yeah.
Yeah.
Why did that be?
It's a good decorating show.
Did you... I bet you that, erm, the Syd Barrett disrupted some of the decorating, though.
That must have caused a bit of the paint to drip.
Did you hear the Syd Barrett, Lewis?
yeah just a little bit just a little bit and how what sort of how are you doing your bathroom keeping it plain so you can sell it on have you got do you live with a lady oh I thought you you'd do with racing cars and this women's base
Oh, you're a property developer?
No, no.
I tell you what, but paint a big topless woman.
You don't have to do it well.
You will not regret it every time you have a bath.
Paint a big winky.
Now, listen, Louis, what are you going to vote for?
I'm going to vote for Angela Z.
And have you seen that movie?
Do you know the track I'm talking about?
Yeah, I do.
It's brilliant.
It's really good, isn't it?
It's really sort of exciting theme music.
So we've got one each now.
This is exciting.
It's one all.
Thanks a lot, Lewis.
Lewis, do you want Skin or Stephen Fretwell?
Um, would it be rude if I said no?
No, not at all.
No.
OK.
Yeah.
Well done, Lewis.
Also going away empty-handed.
Cheers, Lewis.
Thanks very much for your call.
Listen, Joe, can you stop talking about skin and Fretwell?
Why?
Cos it's embarrassing.
Nobody wants to see them.
And it's just getting a bit weird.
OK.
Well, what if someone might want to win it?
What about Matt?
Hello, Matt.
Hello, there.
How you doing?
I'm all right, thank you.
Are you a fan of skin or Michael Fretwell?
Stephen Fretwell.
Do you know, I'd like to go and see skin, actually.
Hey, good for you, Matt.
She does some of her old tunes and stuff.
there you go well you're welcome to have those tickets at the 100 Club this Thursday the 10th of January it's gonna be a fantastic gig yeah let's cut to the chase are you you're familiar with these tracks are you presumably yes I am and which one are you gonna go for it's gotta be raising Arizona oh good choice are you a fan of that film that I am everything it's just such a funny film and that and that little bit
Isn't it amazing?
The Coen brothers, they had such an amazing run at the start of their careers.
Very well.
I love that line when he goes to buy some nappies and he has to rob it.
He just has to hold up the store.
And he commandeers a vehicle and he gets in and the guy goes, sir, you've got a penny on your head.
that's right it's such a brilliant film it's so uh it's so good so many good lines so amazingly shots he's amazingly charismatic and sexy in that film isn't he nick cage i sort of fell in love with him and his crazy ruffly hair so that's two nil to cornish thanks very much for your call matt and enjoy enjoy skin i hope yeah i'm sure it'll be wonderful andy are you there i saw me on set how you doing now listen andy if you have you got any um excitement about uh steven fretwell
Um, to be honest, I did hear that his single, um, I think it was called Emily.
Yeah.
It wasn't too bad.
It's a bit wimpy.
He is supposed to be very good.
You know, I'm not putting these people down at all.
I'm just saying that some, some of the, uh, callers that we had didn't seem very excited by them, but he's supposed to be brilliant, Stephen Fretwell.
So would you like to have tickets and go along and see him?
Why not?
I'm always interested in seeing new music.
It's what it's all about, isn't it?
Good for you.
Shepherds Bush Empire this Friday's the Stephen Fretwell gig.
So, Andy, let's cut to the chase.
Which one are you gonna vote for?
Is it gonna be Antz or Racing Arizona?
I need another Antz vote, man.
Come on.
I know you need another Antz, but I'm a Coen Brothers fan, so I'm gonna have to go with your partner, I'm afraid.
Well, listen, Andy, thanks very much indeed for your call, and, er, hope you have a good time at, er, Stephen Fretwell's gig.
So, wait, this is it, er, Xanthe, you've failed to understand the mechanics of Ditties in the Dock, because I've already won, I mean, it's impossible for- Well, Beth, Beth might have- let's see, shall we see out of camera?
Yeah, let's get Beth on the line anyway.
Hey, Beth, how you doing?
I'm a- You're- Hello?
She's- Hello?
Oh, no, she's there.
Are you on your mobile?
Have you got your radio on, Beth?
Um, yeah, I'm on my dad's mobile.
Are you on your dad's mobile?
What model has he got?
Um, Dad, what is your phone?
Yeah.
I didn't mean to start this.
Motorola.
Motorola, nice.
That's good.
I haven't made any comic capital out of that.
Cornish is one.
Dizzy's in the dock.
But out of curiosity, which one were you going to vote for?
I was going for, um, even though my dad wanted me to vote for Racing Arizona.
You see, Xanthi, if you put Beth before Andy, it would have been too all, and Andy's call would have become a kind of amazingly tense tiebreaker.
But you've buggered it up, haven't you?
Get out.
Just get out.
Get out.
Take the headphones off and get out.
Beth, tell Xanthi to get out.
Beth, tell her to get out.
That sounded quite scary.
Get your dad to tell her to get out as well.
It sounded like she really meant it.
Beth, thank you very much indeed for your call, and thanks to everyone who called in.
I'm sorry we can't offer you a prize, Beth.
Can we?
Unless you want a copy of... Not really.
You can have a copy of Heat.
You can have a copy of Heat in our playlist for this week.
Or yesterday's son.
But I don't suppose you do want that.
But thank you very much indeed for calling anyway.
So that's it.
Yeah, we'll be back next week, the same time, with more stuff.
Um, yeah, more- I'm excited about the Coldplay thing.
Coldplay it again, I'm- I think that's gonna be a good feature.
A new competition.
A new, exciting feature.
And we're gonna leave you with Pete Seeger with the theme from Raising Arizona.
It's called the Goofin' Off Suite.
I love this.
And thanks for listening.
Yeah.
We'll see you same time next week.
Love you, bye!
Hee Hee Hee Hee Hee Hee Hee Hee
you
you
XFL.